Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
