Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
