well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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