Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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