so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
