Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
