honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
