My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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