im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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