I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
