Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
