doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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