I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
