i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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