just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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