hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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