.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
