Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
