I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
