the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
