My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
