Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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