i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
