its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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