at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
