I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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