Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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