I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
