I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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