I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
