just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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