Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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