We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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