bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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