Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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