So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
