well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
