we have pet lesbian snakes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
