It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
