is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
