my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
