What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
