DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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