Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
