Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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