u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My nipple is on Facebook.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
