dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
