I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
