Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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