i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
