you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
