Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
