So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
