The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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