Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize