I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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