is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
