I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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