he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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